The post I probably should not post

So, why am I making this rather large change in my life? I find it interesting that no one has really asked me this. I suppose some people have and I’ve given what I think would probably be a pretty obviously frivolous response … but no one has actually pressed me on it. No one has said, “Yeah, but why are you really doing it?”

So let’s review …

• I’ve spent the last year or so experiencing what I would consider rather serious depression
• I took the time to see a therapist (that was kind of so-so)
• I killed my cat
• I quit my job
• I sold my home
• I’m moving to a part of the world where I don’t know a damn soul

I dunno. To me that sounds like a bit more than merry-making quirkiness. Sounds to me like something’s seriously fucked up with that guy. But generally speaking people seem to accept my lameass answers about wanting a change, a slower pace, blah blah blah.

Let’s be honest. I’m doing this because I hate my life.

Of course, having said that I should also say I’ve had a beverage or two and I’m in one of those “feel sorry for myself” zones, so my comments may be tainted.

Still, some truth laces through all this. As well as some jim dandy writing. (Okay, so maybe not jim dandy, but at least somewhat engaging.)

Even as I write this my mood improves. So perhaps I’m not so grimly poised as I sound. I’m a bit amused by my own, as Mr. Dylan might phrase it, “sad complaint.” (That’s an inside joke for Dan.)

But it would be nice if the people I knew were aware that this is no small thing I’m doing, and that it’s not being done on a lark.

I may seem amused or indifferent or simply acting on the spur of the moment, but I am not. This is serious business to me. Depth of feeling should not be measured by how much water falls from the eyes.

Maybe one day, when I find my balls, I’ll actually say what this is all about. (However don’t, as the expression goes, hold your breathe. That’s not my strong suit.)

Postscript:

I'll probably be horrified in the morning to find I've actually posted this. But for now, I'm rather pleased I've posted something that's worth a damn and actually says something, even though it is a bit vague.