The awful, awful shoes

Would someone please tell me - I mean, please, tell me - what on earth was I thinking when I bought these shoes?

It occurs to me I may have had comfort in mind. But how comfortable can you be when you can't even leave your home without debilitating self-consciousness about your freakin' asshole shoes?

On the other hand ... nice floor, hmm? Unfortunately, I can't wear the floor on my feet.

I would have much greater self-esteem if I wasn't such a moron. Who in their right mind would put money in the wallet of someone like me? You gotta know it's going straight into the dumper, spent on things like shoes I can't bear to wear.

Sheesh!